At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
