I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
