Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
