I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
