I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
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