I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
