walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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