so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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