Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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