I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
