Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
