I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
