ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
