Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize