her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
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its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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