You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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