my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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