Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
