does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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