Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You made out with two different species that night
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
