I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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