gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
