You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
