Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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