These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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