he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
