Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
