I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
