I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
