I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
