I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
