the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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