i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
