It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
