I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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