why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
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We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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