Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Boobs are out for the taking
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
MIDGETS
????
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
