who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What a dumb baby whore.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
