Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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