bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
