you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
