I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
