I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
