My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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