Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
