at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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