Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
