Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
