As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
