after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
