and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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