in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
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new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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