His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
