One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
