please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
