apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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