dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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