apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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