Capitaan dildo arrescate!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
