i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
