i think my mom watched the whole time
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
