"it" just moved
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The cops high fived after they tackled you
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
