wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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