I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
