she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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